Band Parents

Band Parents

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

"Why Parents should not ask 'Why?'"

Our local newspaper runs a parenting column on Sunday's written by a local Child Psychologist. Dr. Ramey wrote this past week about Parents who ask a kids "Why" they misbehaved. Hubby often demands an answer from our ADHD 11YO to that question. It makes me cringe everytime. I think the 11YO doesn't know. His impulsivity kicks in and all thoughs of the consequences goes out the door. There is a overriding goal in mind. DH still disagrees with me and thinks that he asking, repeatedly "Why" gets DS to think and consider his reasons. My take is "HE doesn't know", the thought popped into his head and he does not realize that the action might be a bad thing because his brain functions differently, no Jiminy Cricket pops up to say "Now what might happen".

Dr. Ramey wrote that the reason's people do things are complex and often unknown. Parents ask this question becasue they are looking for insight into a child's problems. He said that the Why question leads nowhere and that the parent should deal with the issue of changing the child's behavior. He suggests alternate questions:
  • What can you do to avoid this problem in the future?
  • What were you thinking?
  • Help me understand what is going on? or Tell me more about what happened.

Now if I can work on changing Hubby's behavior.

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